


The Moon Stood Still

by lunazodiac



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-19 05:45:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17595578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunazodiac/pseuds/lunazodiac
Summary: //Ryan Ross & Brendon Urie AU//Some aspects inspired by Anna Green's "The Heart Rate of A Mouse"//It's 2007, and Ryan Ross is an aspiring author living in the bustling city of Seattle with his partner Brendon Urie, a singer for an up and coming band in Seattle's alternative scene. Ryan struggles with his sexuality, only expressing his true self through his writing and within the confinement of his and Brendon's studio apartment. Although it is extremely challenging for him, Ross embarks on an incredible journey of self discovery and acceptance with Brendon, all the while gaining inspiration and writing what later comes to be known as the critically acclaimed series, "The Heart Rate of A Mouse."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is inspired by Anna Green's "The Heart Rate of A Mouse,"and by no means am I trying to plagiarize another authors work, so please find a way to contact me with any questions or concerns. In this story, Ryan acts as the sole author of the work, but all rights go to original author, Anna Green. Some characters, such as Ryan and Brendon, are based off of real people, but their actions, although sometimes inspired by real events, do not reflect who they are as people. Many characters are OC, so please respect that and do not steal my characters or work. The title is inspired by a song I like, if it sounds familiar. This is my first time writing in this style, so it may take a little bit to get going, but please stick with me during this time.  
> Warnings for readers:  
> -This story will contain sexual content  
> -The characters may sometimes face homophobia, and other derogatory remarks/actions  
> -drinking/drug use  
> -four l language  
> -etc  
> For extreme scenes/events I will try to include a trigger warning, or just a general heads up.
> 
> Last, but not least, this story belongs to lunazodiac, and should only be found on A03. If you are reading this anywhere else, know the work has been plagiarized, and it is not me.  
> So, without further ado, you can continue reading...

Seattle. It’s where all the hipsters, musicians, and hopeless dreamers go. The same could be said for San Francisco in Cali, or New York City, but Seattle beckoned Ryan and his partner Brendon 3 years ago this coming July. It was the early hours of January 1st, 2007, and Ryan had a runny nose, and another new year’s resolution. He never kept up with what he said he would and wouldn’t do, but this year he had made a blood oath with himself. Publishing a novel was harder than it sounded, and he still didn’t understand the ins and outs of it, but he left most of the busy work to Thompson, his editor and business partner. His talent was writing, not business deals, though he supposed for some people that could go hand in hand. He wasn’t one of those people though, so naturally he was left stumped most of the time.  
He knew that he could never be acknowledged for the words that he was writing, and when he did finally publish his work it would be underneath a pseudonym. ‘Pathetic’, he thought, for him to be living with his partner in a studio apartment in the heart of Seattle, but to have to play each other off as just roommates. At least through his written words, he could express who he truly was, and the world would never know. He felt terrible about it, knowing that in his inability to fully accept himself, Brendon could never do so either. Brendon would surely tell everyone given the chance, Ryan knew that. Brendon was so passionate and proud of all that he did, and all that he was, from his music career to his sexuality. He loved Brendon so dearly, that he sometimes considered ending the relationship, just so one of them could be happy. He hadn’t done it though, probably because he was too selfish to let Brendon be with anyone else. So, here he was sitting at his desk, writing about their life together, which sometimes didn’t really feel like a life at all.

“you’re still writing, it’s nearly 5 AM,” a tired voice came from behind him.

“Bren, I told you, it’s going to be awhile yet, please go on to bed,” Ryan stated, looking back at the typewriter, feeling defeated. Without any further conversation he heard the familiar sound of Brendon’s footsteps wandering back to the bed they usually shared. Several minutes passed, and he hadn’t written a single word. He sighed for what was quite possibly the hundredth time in the last hour, maybe it was time he got some sleep.  
Ryan forced himself out of the chair that had held him captive for almost 14 hours, no breaks, and trudged across the room, where he then collapsed onto their bed. He heard Brendon murmur something like, “glad you came, I can’t sleep as good without you here beside of me.” That made Ryan feel good, and he nuzzled himself up against Brendon. Sleep came to the two of them within minutes, and the apartment fell completely silent, the moon shining in through the window, like a spotlight upon a stage.  
\----  
Morning arrived, quicker than Ryan would have liked, and so he fell back asleep and stayed that way on into the early hours of the afternoon. When he awoke, it was to a ringing in his ears, and he wasn’t really sure if it was from the telephone, the construction work in the street below, or if it was indeed coming from his ears. That might be a problem, tinnitus isn’t something Ryan wanted to put up with today, or really any other day. Thankfully the ringing quit before he had the chance to think about it too much, and he could now continue about his day. With any luck he would get some more words down today, maybe even a chapter or two. Any more than that seemed unlikely, not because he couldn’t write that much, but mostly because writing just for the sake of getting his work out there quicker seemed disingenuous, and that wasn’t something he wanted to be. Sometimes ideas came to him naturally, and that’s when he’d get his best work. Sometimes it would happen at a convenient time, and other times it wouldn’t.  
For now, though, Ryan wanted to do something special for Brendon. It was rare they got to do something together outside of their apartment, for obvious reasons. Sure, they could pass off their dates together as just two friends hanging out, but it wasn’t the same. For the first time, Ryan decided to risk it. He had a dinner reservation for the two of them later that evening at a small restaurant tucked away in the Seattle suburbs. He could be caught, and the mask he had so carefully crafted could be cruelly ripped away from him, and from Brendon as well. Still, the risk seemed worth it for the two lovers to share just this one candlelight dinner together, and who knows, maybe if it went well, they could try and do it more often.  
Sitting on the dark green couch of their apartment, Ryan figured he needed to tell Brendon about the reservation, because Brendon usually took an unreasonable amount of time to get himself together. Looking over at his partner sitting directly beside of him, Ryan smiled to himself, then rested his head on Brendon’s shoulder.

“Bren, how would you feel about a dinner date tonight, you know, like out on the town,” Ryan asked, not lifting his head off Brendon’s shoulder. 

“A dinner date Ry, are you sure? you know that’s risky, not that I mind, but I don’t want you to feel like it’s something you have to do.”

“Yeah, I thought about it, and I think it’s worth the risk. We both deserve this, we’ve both been working hard, you on your music, and me on my book,” Ryan said, this time sounding more certain than ever. 

There wasn’t any further conversation about it between the two, there didn’t need to be. Because between the small kiss Brendon placed on Ryan’s temple right after he spoke, and the soft chuckle that Brendon heard come from Ryan-the actions spoke for themselves.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short, I'm still getting the story going, so the chapters will vary in length at times.

Ryan noticed that the streets were surprisingly bare that evening. It wasn’t something Ryan had planned, but he wasn’t complaining, either. To any onlookers, Ryan and Brendon were just two friends starting a night out on the town, but both men knew it differently. They walked in perfect unison, but their hands were far from touching. _‘Baby steps,’_ Ryan thought, _‘it’s all about the baby steps’_. He looked over at Brendon, but only briefly, and noted the way that he carried himself with such confidence. Ryan sighed, maybe one day they both could walk down the street, hand in hand, with that same level of confidence.

“Are we close to this place yet,” Ryan heard Brendon ask.

“It’s not too far, and I asked for a table in the back, no windows,” he stated carefully, not sure how his partner would respond.

Brendon let out an audible sigh, “Ryan, seriously, if you aren’t comfortable with this, we can rent a movie, share a bag of popcorn, it doesn’t matter to me-as long as it’s with you.”

Brendon was only trying to comfort him, which usually worked, but this time it only made Ryan feel like shit. That wasn’t Brendon’s fault though, it was always Ryan’s, regardless of how many times Brendon told him it wasn’t.

Ryan soon realized he hadn’t said anything back. He gave a quick look around to make sure no one was lingering too close, it wasn’t their business anyway.

“Brendon, I told you, it’s what I want, it’s what we deserve. I’m just nervous, that’s all. Your band is getting pretty big around here, and it’s not like I’m unknown around these parts, a handful of people could recognize me from the different poetry nights I’ve attended.”

“That’s true, but isn’t it worth the risk?”

_‘It is’_ , Ryan thought to himself before speaking aloud, “yeah, yeah it is.”

Soon they arrived at the restaurant. Ryan held the door for Brendon, then quickly followed him inside. If anyone paid attention, they may have noticed Ryan fidgeting with his scarf, nervously glancing around the room as he and Brendon waited to be seated. No one noticed, though. Upon getting seated, the men stared at each other.

_‘Well, this is awkward’_ , Ryan thought, _‘I feel like I’m 14 again, on my first, and only, date with Amber Holliver.’_

“So, what are we thinking, seafood or steak? Should we order the soup or salad? Red or white wine? There’s too many choices, Ryan!”

Ryan held back a laugh, “we can get whatever Bren. I don’t see why we don’t order all of it personally.”

It wasn’t the best thing Ryan had ever suggested, and he was sure the choice would come back to haunt both of them later, but at that very moment, they were starving.

* * *

  
The dinner was great. Ryan talked about his book, and Brendon talked about his band, and they even talked about the future some, too. Things were looking up, but the sky outside was looking grey. Neither Ryan or Brendon took note of it when they walked out the door, rainy days in Seattle were nothing new. What was new, however, was both men being approached by a young girl, maybe in her mid-teens.

_‘Shit… **Shit** ,’_ Ryan thought, _‘it’s fine, she’s clueless, to her Brendon and I just two friends hanging out.’_

“Excuse me, but are you Brendon Urie, and- oh my god, are you Ryan Ross-the poet?”

_‘I write more than poetry’_ , Ryan thought, _‘but it’s fine, she probably just wants a picture, maybe an autograph, it’s all good.’_

“Yeah, that’s us,” Ryan responded, picking his words carefully. At that very moment, he noted the sky growing darker, and the occasional raindrop on his skin. Any other time, and he probably wouldn’t have noticed, but all his senses were heightened, he was overly aware of his surroundings, and he was terrified.

“Would it be possible for us to take a quick picture, that’s it, then I’ll let you go,” the girl asked, looking like she was about to cry, or pass out, maybe both.

_‘she acts like we’re big celebrities, we’re not, not really anyway,’_ Ryan thought to himself.

Before he could answer he heard Brendon say, “Of course! It means a lot, you know, to have people support you.”

Ryan wondered if she’d still support them if she knew they were gay. Some people wouldn’t mind, but some people were just nasty. It wasn’t something Ryan wanted to face anytime soon. He just wasn’t ready. The girl was content, though, and she went on her way.

“Ryan, are you okay?”

“No. Not really. What if she knows Brendon, I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.”

“There’s no way she knows, we weren’t kissing, weren’t holdings hands, nothing. She just saw us on the street, and she was so starstruck I doubt she noticed you internally panicking,”

That was true, but Ryan was still nervous, and even though Brendon radiated confident, he was a little scared, too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //This chapter contains adult content//  
> Note, this is my first time writing mature content, so there will definitely be some errors, and it won't be the best thing you've ever read. However, as I continue to write, I hope I grow in that area.  
> Additionally, this is the first chapter that talks about the popular Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie AU 'The Heart Rate of a Mouse' by Anna Green. I know, as a writer myself, how annoying and insulting plagiarism can be, so I would like to state here that the title is the only thing referenced, and will-for the most part, be the only actual connecting factor between the works. While this story is narrated as if Ryan is the author of said work, take note that all credit goes to Anna, title of "Ryan's work" included. If Anna has an issue with this part of my story, I would hope she would message me about it, and I will happily change it to where Ryan is writing another series/work separate from THROAM, or find a way to right any wrongs. As I said before, this story is partially a THROAM inspired work in some regards, in that the story is about Ryan writing THROAM. My version of Ryan and Brendon are in no way meant to be connected to her version. I thought it would be an interesting idea to bring to life, as well as be a nod to a work I hold so dearly,and I hope that it comes across as I intended it to. Additionally, you do not have to read THROAM to read this, I just like to give credit where credit is due.

Ryan was back at his desk with his first new idea in days, it came to him as he and Brendon headed down the street after their encounter with the fan. His heart beat was erratic, almost unnatural. One thing Ryan remembered from school was that mice had incredibly fast heart rates. Him, and a mouse, both with quickly beating hearts, as well as the ability to be called vermin-by some people, at least. So, that had helped with the conception of Ryan’s working title for his manuscript-The Heart Rate of a Mouse. Once he had figured that out, Ryan knew it was going to be a good day. Ideas, so many of them, one after another. Brendon was a few feet away, strumming something on his guitar. It was comforting to Ryan, it kept him sane. They would make a good songwriting duo Ryan supposed, but instead they kept their hobbies separate from one another. Maybe they shouldn’t, but they did.

Ryan couldn’t take his mind off of the events of the previous week. He hadn’t heard any gossip from anyone, no whispers, so maybe Brendon was right, and the girl didn’t figure them out. In fact, he knew she didn’t, she couldn’t have. Maybe Ryan wasn’t worried about her directly outing him or Brendon, though it still ate him constantly. The butterfly effect was real, Ryan had witnessed it countless times. Tiny things can have some pretty big consequences. They may not always happen right away, but for the most part, it does end up happening at some point or another, slowly rippling across the vast pond of humanity. He could only hope that the ripple never caught up to him, or even Bren.

“In your thoughts again,” Brendon asks. Ryan jumped, startled by the sudden break of silence

“Hmm?”

“You look like you’re thinking too much.”

“Yeah, I guess I am, fell down a rabbit hole,” Ryan responded. Brendon knew why Ryan was far away in his thoughts, Ryan knew that he knew, he had to.

“I could help you out,” Brendon said. It was somewhat seductive in nature, but seasoned with plenty of sincerity.

Ryan turned towards Brendon, his hand reaching to bring him closer. Their lips met in a relatively innocent kiss, which quickly escalated into something more. They moved to their bed, losing their clothes somewhere in the process.

“God, the things I could do to you,” Ryan groaned as Brendon left a trail of kisses down his neck.

“Do it then.”

Ryan rolled over, his hand reaching for the bottle of lube on his night stand. You can’t do anything without it-well, you could, Ryan supposed. But no, not right now, preferably not unless they absolutely had to. He let one finger enter Brendon, soon followed by another one.

“Fuck. Ryan, that-that’s really fucking good.”

“yeah?”

Brendon was ready, Ryan knew. He knew when Brendon was desperate for him. He lined himself up, and began to push into Brendon,

“Bren-fuck. You’re so tight around me. Shit.”

As Ryan began to thrust into Brendon, their lips met once more in a heated kiss. Lips to lips, eyes to eyes, skin on skin-there’s something powerful about that, especially when it’s with someone you love. Brendon met Ryan’s thrusts, both men moaning each other’s name, whispering encouragement, gracing one another’s skin with marks of passion and love. Ryan was close, and Brendon was in a state of euphoria, so much so that most of their words had become incoherent, and instead was just mindless babbling.

“Fuck. Bren, baby, I love you-love you so much,” Ryan managed to say before finally letting himself go.

As he pulled out, he heard Brendon say, “I love you too Ry, more than you could ever possibly know, more than you could imagine.”

“Want to join me for a shower? We’ve been pretty dirty,” Ryan said.

Brendon laughed at Ryan’s attempt at a joke, “yeah, I’ll join. Not sure how much cleaning will get done, though.”

After the shower, both men ended up back on the bed, with Brendon’s head resting on Ryan’s chest. It was unusually quiet, Ryan could hear his heart thumping away in his chest, and the almost inaudible sound of Brendon breathing. There was something comforting about the situation. Five years ago, Ryan would have never considered actually being in a relationship with another man. He had imagined it-sure, had jerked off to it, but he had never actually acted on it until he met Bren. Now they had been together for almost three years, and had been living together for almost two. Time flies so incredibly fast when you’re having fun, and when you’re spending that time with someone you care about.

Sometimes Ryan wished he could legally make Brendon his husband, but then again, did it really matter? He didn’t need legal confirmation and the blessing of others to know Brendon was his partner, his husband in mind, body, and soul. Ryan was a hypocrite in some ways, he knew this. He said he didn’t care about other people’s opinions, yet here he was horrified of coming out because of something he claimed he didn’t care about.

 _‘Maybe one day I’ll overcome that fear,’_ Ryan thought.

_‘Yeah. Definitely one day.’_


End file.
